Do You Think You’re Seriously Falling In Love With Your Present Partner?

“How would I know when I’m truly in love?” asked Ruby, a client of mine. “How do I know if what I really feel for Jim is really love or simply infatuation? How does someone know if this feeling will last?”

Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were considering marriage. Ruby, 32, felt “head over heels” in love with Jim, but she also felt head over heels in love with Adam, and also with Mark.

I explained to Ruby that she might be in love from her ego, or as we call it, “her injured self”. Or, she can be in love from her true Self or core Self – her own essence, her soul Self.

If she’s in love from her wounded self, it will be about external things and the love will not last. But if she is in love from her soul Self, it will be about internal things, and it really is very likely that the love will see her through all of the challenges that come about in relationships.

“Ruby,” I inquired her, “What do you love about Jim?”

“I love his walk and his smell. I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I absolutely love his laugh. I love just being next to him. There’s something about his energy – I do not quite know how to talk about it.

I love his touch. I adore his kindness and sensitivity and his deep caring for people. Even though he would not be regarded as a handsome man, I absolutely love how he looks.

There’s something about his mouth along with the look in his eyes that just fills me with love. And I love the passion he has about both his work with his fantastic hobbies. I adore his playfulness. We laugh an awful lot together. “

“How is this different than what you liked about Adam or Mark?”

“I believe that with both Adam and Mark I was basically blown away by their looks – they were both hunks. Both of them were also quite successful and very social. They took me to nice places and fantastic vacations. Jim is not as financially prosperous nor as social, yet do I feel a lot safer with him.

I think that I also fell in love with Adam’s power within the world. He actually seemed to have it together and his sense of strength turned me on. But he wasn’t always nice to people or me.”

“So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your injured self was in love with their injured selves – their more superficial qualities of looks, income and power. However it sounds like with Jim your heart and soul is in love with his essence.

The attributes you say you’re in love with are qualities that will not go away over time, because they’re soul qualities. Men and women can definitely lose their looks and their income, however it is unlikely that Jim will lose the qualities that you simply love in him, specifically if you frequently express your love for these qualities.”

“So I truly am in love with Jim! This truly is different than my other relationships. You know, I think I’ve finally grown up. The more superficial qualities just don’t seem to be so appealing to me anymore!” 

Each person really should dissect their dating life in this manner. If you are in a similar circumstance and still want extra dating advice on this issue, go to guygetsgirl.com or look up: guy gets girl or guygetsgirl.